@shanethevein: The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I'm joking.
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@ItsAndyRyan: Don't cry for me, Argentina, Keep your face dry, Dubai, No tears, Algiers, Or from you, Peru, Now Oman, no cry.
@NYC_Blonde: I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.
@kirthyiyer: The location of a pimple on your body is directly correlated to how much your body hates you.