@david8hughes: "The best things in life are free." ~ shoplifters.
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@TheMichaelRock: HR: welcome to sexual harassment training. Me *raises hand* I'm gonna leave. HR: it's mandatory. Me: There's nobody here I would harass.
@TheTweetOfGod: Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards.
@ajax06: No matter how powerless you feel, just think to yourself, one single pubic hair off of your body can shut down an entire restaurant.
@plumbur: I'm convinced that my washing machine is a portal to a world where one-legged men hop around in my socks.