@charmfoz: The best things in life are free. Unless it's herpes. Stay away from people who want to give you free herpes.
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@NicestHippo: "Instagram announced they will allow users to see who viewed their profile..." *wakes up in cold sweat*
@Schmoodles: I call my bedroom 'The place where the magic happens' because one night a guy locked me in a box and tried to saw me in half.
@djdarrellripley: Him: I just had sex with that woman! Me: She’s 60. Him: I know. Me: I Hope you used protection or you might have caught osteoporosis.
@robfee: Sure, I have gluten free Halloween candy for your kid. *Reaches in pocket & pulls out middle finger* Get off my lawn before I call the cops