@outsmartedmommy: The best way to prepare for Motherhood is to put Dora on TV for 9 months, set your alarm for every 45 minutes and throw food on your floors.
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@Reverend_Scott: ME: You bring that cash you owe me? ELEPHANT: Oh, sorry man, I forgot. ME: No you didn't.
@abbycohenwl: Woman: Ever since my mom passed, I think she’s watching over me Mom’s Ghost: Yeah, that is the kind of stupid thing you’d believe
@Briidashian: Why do I have to use leaves as toilet paper when I go camping while we have bears out there using Charmin?