@ilovepie84: The best way to see if someone is telling the truth is to tie them to a chair and start up the ol chainsaw.
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@DanKCharnley: No matter what meal it is, always say you had "brunch" so people know how much better than them you are.
@NYC_Blonde: Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR
@DanMentos: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, palms are sweaty. he forgot his lyrics already, palms are sweaty
@Poutymcgee: I just Googled "Living with Glaucoma" before realising it was just a fingerprint smudge on my glasses.