@MikeOdenthal: The best writerly advice is to start each paragraph w "Here's somethin for ya!" as the reader is now engaged & will follow you anywhere
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@djdarrellripley: Her: All the men have jackets on. Why didnt you wear the sports jacket I got you? Me: You bought me a ski jacket Her: Skiing is a sport!
@david8hughes: [sees old friend after 4 years] "God, you were so fat back in school." "Yeah, well I lost a lot of it last year." "No you didn't."
@QwertyJones3: [Playing piano to impress a Russian girl] "Do you like it?" Her: That's sheet music "Yes, it is." Her: Now excuse me, I huv to take a sheet.
@ElizaBayne: Name brands really are better. For instance, I just found out that the Tide pen works much better on stains than regular pens