@PaperWash: The Bible is so unrealistic, Noah's wife would have never allowed two spiders on that boat.
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@UNTRESOR: Health level: my credit card company called me about fraud because I bought a vegetable.
@SuchaDumbWorld: To my American friends: On Sunday, don't forget to set your clocks back one hour. On Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years.
@5exyunchained: A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she's homeless.