@StephenBCramer: The bible says you can't buy your way into heaven but there isn't a church in the country that won't encourage you to try.
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@Playing_Dad: Customer Service Person: is there anything else I can help you with today? Me: Is this a date? It feels like a date now.
@graceful_asfuck: Her: you take nice selfies Me: so I'm vain Her: no you're photogenic Me: oh so I'm ugly in real life Her: just say thanks Me: oh so I'm rude
@LindaInDisguise: Me: My blood pressure is sky high. I need to get my affairs in order. Him: Make a will? Me: I was thinking flings with hot men, but OK.
@Playing_Dad: If I had a time machine I would go back to the Star Wars era and kill baby Darth Vader