@noog: The biggest threat to mankind is aliens somehow receiving transmissions of Xbox Live conversations and deciding to just blow up the planet.
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@Cali_Kid_Mike: "You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like shit."
@HomeProbably: My parents were very inspirational, they used to say: "You can do whatever you want in life, as long as you don't do it here."
@chrisrockoz: You only live once, so don't forget to spend 15 hours every day on the internet, desperately searching for the validation of strangers.
@TheTweetOfGod: "Why are all the good ones either married, gay or the Son of God?" - Mary Magdalene.