@ShaeAaron: The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry's in the oven. I'm going to bed.
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@SortaBad: My dad lied a lot. I was 17 before I realized the 'Silver Table Cat' wasn't a real species, and that we didn't own a pet, we owned a toaster
@Fred_Delicious: Cool prank: lead 50 pugs to the top of a waterslide & send them down 1 by 1 as the parents waiting at the bottom get increasingly confused
@ch000ch: me: an open casket with my vape pen hanging from my mouth wedding DJ: i meant final requests for songs man
@samiam604: *on my deathbed* *groggy, dazed, & delirious* Me: I wonder if my TC ever really loved me? Wife: Honey, what's a TC? Me: *pulls plug*