@ShaeAaron: The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry's in the oven. I'm going to bed.
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@sofarrsogud: SON: Daddy, how come our snowman hasn’t melted, like everyone else’s? ME: Because it’s made from leftover mashed potato son.
@simoncholland: Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
@arielleBigBlue: Your sign says "NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE", so it seems highly unfair that you kicked me out for not wearing pants.
@BoucheDag2k: Just went to the mens room & came out to an empty office. Either the building is on fire or there is cake in the break room. Win/win