@Fickle_Filly: The birds that suddenly appear every time I'm near are circling vultures.
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@Christweetpher_: [jail] INMATE: so what are ya in for? BIG BAD WOLF: well I huffed and I puffed and then I got nabbed for possession INMATE: goddam pigs
@TommyKarate: I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.
@dorsalstream: My daughter made such a cute little doll of me. It even has my real hair. She has it surrounded by some candles, and she's giving it acupuncture to help the sharp pain in my side go away.