@b_griff88: The cable company is sending a guy out between 1:00 and 2017.
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@LuvPug: I don't think anyone here is a serial killer because you have to be really self motivated and it's like we all just eat snacks and take naps
@ojedge: [first day as a masseuse] Me: [closing book] "…& they all lived happily ever after" Customer: "That's not what I meant by 'happy ending'"
@EndhooS: boss: have you been here all night? me: [jumps awake at my desk] uh, yeah. boss: trouble at home? me: there's a seagull standing on my car
@bfrosty04: I dont 'scrub up' like a surgeon after using the urinal because growing up, they taught us not to piss all over our hands n arms, you baboon