@Swishergirl24: The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2014.
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@Robinbuble: If you post a handstand photo of yourself at the beach in Uggs you're automatically entered into an essay contest on why you love your Jetta
@mattZillaaaa: *drops pizza slice on the floor Hey can I get another slice? *eats slice that fell on the floor then eats new slice
@Shot_Of_Cabo: She: Why don't we ever have sex anymore? Me: What's this "we" shit? I'm having plenty.
@OfficialMizGin: Reasons to carry a handkerchief: 3) You’ve never heard of tissues 2) You’re doing a magic trick 1) You’re hiding your face to rob a train