@Swishergirl24: The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2014.
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@Vodkantots: Get your therapist to start taking you seriously by pulling a donut out of your purse.
@cbdoubleu: [Going through rubble after a house fire] Her [holding photo albums]: Totally ruined. Me [holding slices of bread]: Pretty much toast.