@lazerdoov: The Canadian military is just a guy named Ross with a flare gun in an aluminum boat.
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@PastorBate: [crowded elevator] Alright I'm a little concerned about the capacity so let's all go around and say how much we weigh *gets out calculator*
@Reverend_Scott: [interview] "Where you see yourself in 5 years?" Doing your job. "And me?" Jobless and upset about the divorce "OMG" *runs out crying*
@causticbob: Leonardo Dicaprio has addressed the UN about climate change. Well if anyone should know about the dangers of melting icebergs, it's him!
@HMittelmark: If somebody at a party tells you they're a writer, get excited, hold up the nearest book, and ask, wide-eyed, "DID YOU WRITE THIS?"