@jasonroeder: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."
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@JordyHamrick: Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.
@Midgetspar: Just built a kite that'll hold my cat. Figured if a mouse helped discover electricity then my cat & I should be able to unlock time travel.
@gmossii: My dog understands four words: his name, food, outside and Antidisestablishmentarianism.
@noog: If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore