@3BlindMike: The cat puked all over the bath mat so I just tossed it into the trash can. Then I put the bath mat in the washer.
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@SweetTweetsBRO: The worst feeling ever is when you miss someone but you can't even tell them you miss them because they are alcohol.
@LittleMissZesty: Transform chocolate into a balanced meal by eating it standing on one leg WITHOUT falling over. Chocolate yoga: it's the next big thing.
@louisvirtel: I was worried that Tim Kaine was too boring and then I remembered entertainment is what got us into this mess.
@wolfpupy: i was just about to ramp my car off a cliff into the ocean but then i remembered someone had told me to drive safe earlier