@LeslieInMpls: The cheapest way to make your lips look fuller is to trip on a dog toy, land flat on your face, then sit back and enjoy the swelling.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SarcasticCharm: I now know I drink too much. I walked out on my deck and swear I heard a mosquito yell out to his all his friends that the bar just opened.
@david8hughes: [steps off crosstrainer] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."
@dadsrpeopletoo: Dad, I’m going out. George McFly: Okay son. Have fun with the weirdo scientist that lives alone and drives a windowless truck. (Sees Lorraine passed out drunk) Boy we’re great parents.