@LeslieInMpls: The cheapest way to make your lips look fuller is to trip on a dog toy, land flat on your face, then sit back and enjoy the swelling.
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@krisv_723: If we've gone swimming together you can be certain that at some point you've swam through my pee
@PortRooster: On phone: GF: We're breaking up... Me: I can hear you fine! GF: It's not you, it's me... Me: Did you get a new provider? GF: Kinda... Bye!
@WhatTheFFacts: Boxer Sugar Ray dreamt of killing his opponent and backed out, but a priest convinced him to fight, he ended up killing the opponent.
@mattsurely: If anyone out there is named Aesop dear god please open a table store I have just the name for you.