@AnOrangeSNES: The chef asked me how I liked my eggs and I accidentally said uneasy instead of over easy. Now I have some uncomfortable eggs staring at me.
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@kumailn: Xmas Russian Roulette: 1. Sit next to parents. 2. Type any letter into browser on your laptop. 3. Go to the website it auto completes to.
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: So hot today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs. Me: Fair enough.
@shutupmikeginn: Gonna need you to finish your story real quick so i can tell you how the same thing happened to me, but its more interesting cause i’m in it
@chrissyteigen: I really really really really clearly am not a PC type of gal but I'm a little weirded out at the oriental dressing option on my flight