@behindyourback: the children's version of "The Catcher In The Rye" is called "My Little Phony"
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@CruisinSoozan: Sometimes I shock myself with the smart shit that comes out of my mouth then other times I try to start the microwave with my debit card PIN
@TheCiscoKidder: You know you spend too much time with your kids when there's Sesame Street music in your head while mentally undressing women.
@lilgapeach30: 8 *walks into the house with covered in mud* Me: MY LORD 8: well that's a nice way to greet me but no, just your son.