@valerie_tosi: The Chipotle I went to apologized for not having any lettuce today. I said "It's cute that you think I'm here for that."
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@juhipande: I woke up because of birds chirping.nI wish I had wings too.nI would fly to each of these birds & choke them one by one. n6 am is too early.
@Reverend_Scott: REALTOR: You'll LOVE this home- ME: My dog doesn't like it. REALTOR: But I- ME: [holding dog in realtor's face] I TRUST HIM MORE THAN YOU
@JermHimselfish: The worst thing about wearing a turtleneck is not being able to get up off of your back if you fall over.
@VinnyPisciotta1: Singin' in the Rain is a beloved Oscar-winning classic, but singin' on the train will get you harsh stares and a six seater all to yourself.