@valerie_tosi: The Chipotle I went to apologized for not having any lettuce today. I said "It's cute that you think I'm here for that."
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@LivibelsDada: Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two mars bars fall out of a vending machine at once.
@AmericanGent69: Me: Finally, time to sleep! Brain: ahem Me: oh God please no Brain: I was thinking we could sing that catchy commercial jingle. 87 times.
@HlaoRoo: Remember when you used Twitter to update friends & family on where you were, & what you were doing? Yeah, me neither.