@OnlyFastEddie: The closest I've ever come to winning anything was that time I got picked from a lineup at the station.
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@Iwriteforcats: MEN: Developed Theory of Relatively. Walked on the Moon. Painted the Mona Lisa. Baffled by bra hooks.
@P_Liesenhoff: US customs officer during passport check at airport: You were born in Beirut? Why the GER passport?? Me: No, it’s Bayreuth, see, the spelling is different! Him: What’s the difference? Me: My town is in GER, the other is in the Middle East. Him: Sir! Are you from the Middle East??
@sammyj_04: What's it called when it's 9:20am and you can't wait for dinner? Oh, it's called fat. Nevermind.