@markhoppus: "The concept of romantic love is obsolete in the modern era" I declare loudly to no one in particular as I grab for another dinner roll.
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@WheelTod: Prank: if you're standing at a busy intersection light beside a guy staring at his phone take 2 steps forward & see if he walks into traffic
@david8hughes: [first day as a soldier] Army guy: we deploy at 04:00hrs Me: where we going? Army guy: to war, soldier Me [setting alarm for 11am]: ok enjoy
@richforri: I like Tweets that are so good that when I send them to FB my old friends won't talk to me on the phone for a week.
@ieatanddrink: Dating tip: Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her "Im a lawyer.Or AM I?" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle