@kelkulus: The coolest part of the bible is where one couple somehow populates the world by having kids from every race and ethnicity.
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@Reverend_Scott: [job interview] How would you improve our business? "Dude, I'd bankrupt you in a week. I'm just catchin Pokemon in your office."
@PyrBliss: This girl just said, "You know that feeling you get when you really really like someone?" and I was all like, "Nope." and walked away.