@daemonic3: The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco
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@tastefactory: [the year 2057] iPhone 49: *reaches for some of my fries* Me: No. if you wanted fries you should have ordered some
@Michael1979: OMG, just found my childhood diary! I was an adorable and strangely prescient little boy.
@TheHyyyype: [being interrogated for my involvement in a bank heist] COP 1: give us a name ME: big bird COP 2: a real name ME: millard fillmore COP 1: no you idiot, someone you know ME: nana