@charstarlene: The corner of this table hurt me and made me cry, so now we're dating
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@VeganZebra: [after putting a fake mustache on an elephant] FRIEND: You seen my elephant? ME: no FRIEND: [eyeing elephant] Maybe this fine gentleman has
@jordan_stratton: Am I financially wealthy? No. But am I rich when it comes to relationships, happiness, and experiences? Still no.
@SteveSuckington: [first date] "You're not into anything weird right?" -not at all *gestures to my ferret army to fall back*