@markydoodoo: The deep ocean is so mysterious. Sharks and octopuses could be down there having dance battles and we'd never know. We'd never know.
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@sixfootcandy: [camping] Him: Did you eat the last s'more? Me: No. Him: You're lying. Me: How do you know? Him: Your pants are literally on fire.
@joeyhuggles: My favorite response to someone asking how something works... "Magic" even when I do know how it works. Because Lazy
@wescraw: We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they'll dig the wrong way. It's called thinking ahead guys.
@TheTalkingPipe: I didn't know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That's you. Now, see the guy choking you? That's me.