@shariv67: The developers of Apple Maps first big mistake was not calling it Mapples.
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@kyle_thatisall: Going to show my kids before and after pictures of Lindsay Lohan and say this girl didn't think she needed a nap either.
@slimmy_shady: My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that.
@panmidwest: FRIEND: hey while I'm on vacation can you come over and feed the cat? ME: FRIEND: ME: to what?