@poizngrl: The difference between kids waking you up and an alarm clock, is that you can throw the alarm across the room
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@dance_blessed: I got this "breathe" tattoo because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder.
@katiefzack: If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
@AbrasiveGhost: ME: What's this bit here? NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your résumé said you were a surgeon ME: My résumé says a lot of things