@poizngrl: The difference between kids waking you up and an alarm clock, is that you can throw the alarm across the room
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@JRehling: God talked to Jews like 500 times in the Old Testament, and not one warning about the Nazis.
@thatUPSdude: The show Hoarders is like a snooze button for cleaning your house, "My place isn't that bad, I can go another week"
@JoshuaHvr: 6 more days, guys.. That's December 26. The day everybody puts their shitty Xmas gifts on Ebay so poor people, like me, can buy them!
@ticknada: Girls holding hands with gay guys, you don't fool me. Oh that's your bf. You still don't fool me.