@Lisabug74: The dinosaurs died for our sins.
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@TitansHomer: MTV stopped having their "Unplugged" specials because the shitty artists we have now can't play any instruments.
@jlock17: Subway only exists because we're all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here's $8."
@Marlebean: A "clear memory" button, but for my brain. And while we're at it, a "delete cookies" button, but for my thighs.
@DurtMcHurtt: [intensive care] NURSE: I'll never leave your side, DO YOU HEAR ME?! ME [patient]: wow, I didn't realize how intense the care was here.