@Lisabug74: The dinosaurs died for our sins.
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@simoncholland: My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way.
@madeleinedoux: Judge: *whispering* pls stop introducing yourself like this just because u work in my chambers it doesn't m- Me: YES HI IM HIS CHAMBERMAID
@angeliav68: Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they'll paw at you a little bit then give up and go look for food..