@Underchilde: The Dirty Dancing lift, except I’m throwing her off a cliff.
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@lovemydogduck: Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Please stop. ME: Stop what? WIFE: Singing in the shower. ME: What's the big deal? WIFE: You're scaring everyone at Home Depot.
@Humor_Fetish: There's no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE.