@Jandalize: The doctor said to spread my legs wider for the exam. Going to the optometrist is kind of fun.
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@ieatanddrink: This is your pilot speaking. We'll be taking off shortly once our flight crew confirms that this is, in fact, an airplane
@ilikeyouguys: Go to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me w that needle, I run off yelling 'thanks for the free shave loser!'
@SoulYodeler: Had I known you were coming I would have baked a cake. Instead you get to watch me decapitate an iguana. You should call ahead.