@moose_chocolate: The E. coli in the city water supply means I am just one glass away from my goal weight.
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@Phook75: Looking at our latest Comcast bill and I can only pray that our daughter has zero aspirations for college
@UNTRESOR: If you cut off a mommy blogger's head she can continue mommy blogging for up to three full minutes.
@Playing_Dad: [At vet] Me: My dog has been throwing up what looks like egg shells. Vet: What have you been feeding him? Me: Egg shells.
@ch000ch: woops did i leave both of my bowling trophies in my hands during sex again that's embarrassing