@hollyberryness: The early bird gets the worm but the early worm gets eaten, so... I choose sleep.
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@jctwritesstuff: [Speed Date] Me: Hi. Could you show me on this Venn Diagram where alcohol & donuts overlap in your daily life? Him: I.. Me: Too slow. NEXT!
@Fred_Delicious: 9 out of 10 dentists agree that Gary is the most handsome dentist. Gary voted for Brett because he couldn't vote for himself
@Book_Krazy: [At Mall] Good cop: CLEAR A PATH PEOPLE! Bad cop: OFFICIAL POLICE BUSINESS Black Friday cop: *Segways past everyone & gets the last HDTV*
@WritePlay: When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him. That's more my speed.