@juliussharpe: The ending of "Romeo and Juliet" is only sad if you think two fourteen year-olds should have gotten married.
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@david8hughes: [wakes up & turns to wife] "I had a nightmare. You died." "Aw. It was just a-" "Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."
@Xoolun: I was pissed when I dropped my iPhone in the toilet. Not as pissed as the girl I was trying to take pics of though.
@imence2: Some people have no respect. It's obvious I'm on my phone trying to do something & this guys all "STEP OUT OF THE CAR WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"
@briancthayer: *throws a dead pigeon at jerk who cut me off in traffic* Wife: Hun, I don't think "flipping the bird" means what you think it means.