@ItsAndyRyan: The English language lacks a word to mean "To make a spouse feel uncomfortable by aggressively cleaning the house around them".
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@OhhScarlet23: My husband and I have been in an open marriage for five years. I hope he's ok with it when he finds out.
@skickwriter: My microwave broke. So, we're finding innovative alternatives. Did y'all know the surface on top of the oven heats up, too? Honest to God.
@causticbob: "Susan, will you marry me?" "Oh yes Johnny, yes! Yes!" Ten grand later and it's still the best prank I ever pulled on my twin brother.
@BackrowSeats: This beautiful woman is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's just falling asleep.