@blopt: The entire city of Detroit burned down last night. Estimated damage is $6.
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@SamGrittner: I asked my mom what she wanted today and she said "she just wanted me to be happy," so I'm on ecstasy petting a dolphin right now.
@JimGaffigan: Hate weight limit signs in the elevator. Then I’m put in the awkward position of telling some pregnant woman she has to take the stairs.
@Reverend_Scott: ROBIN: Let me drive the Batmobile. BATMAN: Never. I'd rather let Superman- [wall breaks down] SUPERMAN: OMG REALLY BATMAN: No.