@blopt: The entire city of Detroit burned down last night. Estimated damage is $6.
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@BigFatNothing: Good cop: you two could go away for six years each for this Add cop: for a total of twelve years between you
@ShutUpThatsWho: [first date] OK don't let her know you're a snail Waiter: Would you like some salt? [flips table over] OH HELL NO [bolts out real slowly]
@3sunzzz: You can't leave the aquarium with a penguin. It's a stuffed animal I got in the gift shop. Ma'am, it's moving. I GOT IT IN THE GIFT SHOP!