@DaveTheAlbino: The fact touche and douche don't rhyme bothers me.
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@iGreenMonk: I can always tell when someone is lying by tying them down and strapping them to a lie detector.
@rickolantern: Florida is about to release millions of genetically modified mosquitoes. I hope when they bite you they make you drive better.
@JohnLyonTweets: There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
@Ndeshi_M: I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.