@DaveTheAlbino: The fact touche and douche don't rhyme bothers me.
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@ClichedOut: HER: I was mauled by a bear mountain biking ME: *long drag on cigarette* what kinda bike was it riding, Carol
@GrantTanaka: Wife just found out my ring tone for her is "ding dong the witch is dead" so if anyone wants to race to Canada READY SET GO
@chuuew: ME: hi handsome, is this seat taken? BUS DRIVER: yes, but you could literally sit anywhere else
@TheAlexNevil: Not to brag, but I was voted "Most Likely To Mention Something Truly Insignificant As If It Was A Big Deal" by everyone who has ever met me.