@DaveTheAlbino: The fact touche and douche don't rhyme bothers me.
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@UNTRESOR: [meeting GF's mom] Wow! This must be your sister! Your baby sister! *shakes keys in front of her face* I'm overselling this, aren't I?
@Crunch11b: Calm down white moms on dish detergent commercials, no wife is EVER that excited about dishes. Ever.
@behindyourback: Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn't hiring.