@Sean_Burgundy_: The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bfrosty04: Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch.
@PrettyInCamo11: The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
@_Tempo11: I wonder if my dog gets embarrassed when I give him kisses in front of other dogs at the park.
@TheTweetOfGod: When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, "Well, that's a sin, but at least it's original."