@Sean_Burgundy_: The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone
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@tat2dsoccermom: My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more affectionate, so now I have TWO boyfriends.
@animaldrumss: moron: "duhh, i hate taco bell, every time i go there i get diarrhea" me: try getting tacos instead, genius
@elle91: [At a bar] Guy: Did it hurt? Me: What? G: When you fell walking in. I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw.