@Sean_Burgundy_: The fastest land animal is a guy that sees a woman about to go through his phone
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@mlevchin: Front page of cnn.com features "Cats that look like Hitler". Just not enough other important stuff happening in the world, I guess.
@DoreyZoe: My next door neighbour just accused me of stealing clothes from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants
@AbbyHasIssues: I would like to think money won’t change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.