@MattElGato: The first rule of fight club is don't hit hard I'm very sensitive
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@liv_thatsme: Leading causes of death among men: 1. Heart attacks 2. Strokes 3. Getting their wives a gym membership for Valentine's Day
@over_rated: "HEY ATHLETES WITHOUT MONEY FOR TRAINING FACILITIES OR PROPER UNIFORMS, Y U NO WIN GOLD MEDALS?" - Indians
@iAmDelFreaky: <during sex> Me: Can we pretend I didn't just call you Uncle Joe? Her: Not sure, it's pretty disturbing. Uncle Joe: It didn't bother me.
@AaronEves: "Who am I talking to, Ouija Board™?" *S-A-T-A-N* "Satan, do any boys in my class like me?"