@MattElGato: The first rule of fight club is don't hit hard I'm very sensitive
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@vinfury: Asterisks are awesome. *tosses a midget dressed in sexy maid outfit off the Eiffel Tower with parachute made of pancakes*
@Parkerlawyer: I made a grown man cry today in court. But yet I can't get my kids to clean their damn rooms.
@dksc4life: ME [during sex]: Ugh I love you so much babe HER: Mmmmmm I love you too sexy PRIEST: The kiss was all we needed
@DaddyJew: Jesus:*turns water into wine Guy: thanks but I'm in AA, I'll just have the water J: *not knowing how to turn it back* well this is awkward