@asimplesean: The first rule of Illiteracy Club is no reading. That was a test, and you failed. You're failing now. You're not welcome in Illiteracy Club.
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@Rebecca8672: Awkward=when autocorrect changes 'sooner' to 'sober' so email to 8 yr. old's teacher reads "I apologize for not getting back to you sober"
@pauleggleston: Me: *returns from bakery with a bap, bagel, bun & cob* Wife: What are these? Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.
@teacup_giraffe: Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say "What's up, Chad?" & he'll be all "Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro?"
@singwithTaffy: I shall plucketh thine eyes from ye skull and make kebobs but with bendy straws instead of skewers cuz those are dangerous