@topaz_kell: The first rule of Running Late Club is get stuck behind a Prius.
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@einsteinsexual: You say tomato soup. I say ketchup soup. Cause the three year old won't eat tomato soup.
@wankcity: "more like president PAJAMA" *obama jumps into pj's, congress full of 12 year olds is pleased*
@LeBearGirdle: Lawyer: so tell me, why was my client's mouth bleeding? Dentist: he doesn't floss Me: You hit me! D: [puts lips on mic] bc you don't floss
@BradBroaddus: Wife: I want to see some snow. Me: You might get to see 3 to 4 inches tonight. Wife: I'd rather see snow.