@weinerdog4life: The first thing you'll need if you're planning on stealing an ostrich from the zoo is a car with a sunroof
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@myonlymizztake: Told my doctor I would lose 10 pounds in three months. That was three months ago and now I have 18 hours to lose 9¾ pounds.
@ramblinma: All these people training for marathons and I'm over here, on my couch, trying to lasso the remote with my phone charger.
@tdug: My greatest fear is having a star athlete injure himself and having the coach look into the crowd and point at me to take his place