@tinynietzsche: The five second rule doesn't apply to babies. You can pick them up anytime after dropping.
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@noogscorner: When she stops crying and gets really quiet, keep your guard up. You're experiencing what scientists refer to as "the eye of the shitstorm."
@GoodZiIIa: Friend: what are your 2018 resolutions? Me: I didn't even make 1, let alone 2018 of them
@thepunningman: Snail Boss: under skills you've put 'quick reflexes' Snail: [2 hours later] that's right SB: [3 hours later] holy heck, when can you start?
@panmidwest: [roadtrip] ME: I need a bathroom break FRIEND: no stops for 2 hours, use that Gatorade bottle ME: um…ok...now how am I supposed to wipe?