@TexasHickspanic: The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were tweeting all night with a calculator.
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@MizzSlaughter: Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait.
@SteveSuckington: "Why did u jump off that bridge?" My friend did it too "Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u?" Yes. I literally just said that