@TexasHickspanic: The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were tweeting all night with a calculator.
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@johntoconnor: How much can this one swallow? sir that one does 1.6 gallons per flush and please stop describing it that way
@FunnyTunes: Wife :'Darling, look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits.' Hubby : It's a scarf!
@3sunzzz: [interview at Bass Pro Shops] So, tell me a little about yourself. Me: *dressed in camouflage* Wait, you can see me?!