@breatheandlove: The good news is, that bag of clothes from 1998 that I still haven't taken to the donation centre…they are back in style now.
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@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
@geowizzacist: My 3yo: Help I dropped a coin in the toilet come and get it out. Me (looks): I can't see anything in there. 3: That's because I flushed.
@CrystalMoon214: Am I the only one who gives people in my neighborhood names they don't know they have? a.k.a. "Running Man","Mustang Bob", "Blue truck dude"
@Prof_Hinkley: I wonder how long the first person to deliver twins waited before they realized that was the last one