@ManJuggs: The guy I’ve been paying to pick up poop in my backyard just realized that I don’t own any animals.
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@GuyThe_Guy: Tonight we're gonna party like its 1999. No seriously, Greg's been in a coma for 14 years. We'll tell him that shit tomorrow night though.
@AlexvanBeek: I'm not saying it's been a while, but, the last time a girl got down on her knees for me, she showed me how to tie my shoelaces.
@meganamram: We're in the exact point of climate change as when wile e. coyote runs off the cliff but hasn't looked down yet