@TheNardvark: The guy who invented the mohawk was originally just trying to get his sideburns the same length.
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@Home_Halfway: The Tortoise and the Hare is a classic story about how people who like to run are awful.
@AllanCresswell: Grampa: Back in my day, we slept on broken glass, you dunno how lucky you are. Me: Grampa, please. We have Twitter, at least you GOT sleep.
@PetrickSara: The most horrifying thing I've ever heard: "MOMMY! MOMMY! I think I just did SCIENCE in the bathroom!"