@TheNardvark: The guy who invented the mohawk was originally just trying to get his sideburns the same length.
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@SleazySli: [at a spelling bee] Judge: Your word is SPELL. Witch: *mumbles something under her breath* Judge: Ribbit
@twt_malaysia: 'You'll go to hell for that joke' *in Hell Me: What did you do? Hitler: Genocide, what did you do? Me: Dunno tweeted a joke
@Harpers_Halo: When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair