@TheNardvark: The guy who invented the mohawk was originally just trying to get his sideburns the same length.
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@slimmy_shady: Did you know that if you squint at a cat and it squints back, it's the cat's way of saying "What the f are you looking at?!"
@robfee: No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e.
@ArfMeasures: HER: You've run over my dog ME: I'm so sorry HER: You're gonna have to replace him ME: [imagines finally being called a good boy] yes please
@buhsbaby_baby: Him: So what are you into? Me: *thinking of the newspaper cutouts of Justin Trudeau all over my bedroom walls and ceiling* Politics.