@SortaBad: The guys who measure out the granite so it fits nicely in your kitchen were prob mad when they found out the term counterfeiters was taken
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@2tickytacky: When someone yells "Fire!" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep
@rickolantern: Me: Was this product tested on animals? Clerk: Yes. Me: [outraged] I knew it!!!! Clerk: Sir, that's a dog leash.
@BlondeFacade: I sprayed Taylor Swift's new perfume on me then started writing a five page letter to the boy who forgot to put a straw in my bag at Arby's.