@MisfitMuse: The heart is a barefoot child that keeps running in and out of traffic.
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@eedrk: doctor: you know how to measure your bowel movements me: yeah of course doctor: you weigh yourself before and after me: [15 Sec pause] yeah
@RidiculousSheri: 'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
@SonOfCha: Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell "SURPRISE YOU'RE ERIC'S GIRLFRIEND"
@KentWGraham: MARRIAGE TIP: When your wife forgets to set the timer and incinerates dinner, DO NOT whistle “If I Only Had a Brain” from the Wizard of Oz.