@Mothpete: The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That's 15 minutes, right? I'm not reading too much into it?
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@TheHyyyype: [high] ME: dude, NASA faked the moon landing FRIEND: wait, u mean- ME: yep, the moon never landed at all, it's still out there somewhere
@TheCiscoKidder: Wife: Go out for breakfast? Me: Sure! Wife: Ok, let me shower first. *showers, dresses & puts on makeup* Me: Where should we have lunch?
@neonwario: What did Mozart say to the police clerk? "I'll be Bach" hahaha. What do you mean they're different people